In the world of relationships, it’s easy to put on those rose-tinted glasses and see our partners in an ideal light. However, this idealized perception, known as idealistic distortion, can have a significant impact on the health and longevity of a relationship. Let’s explore how the Prepare/Enrich assessment can help us strike the right balance between idealism and realism in love.

Idealistic Distortion: Understanding the Measurement

It is not uncommon for one member of a relationship to be more negative than the other, which means one is more positive than the other. We can readily see the pitfalls of being overly negative. However, not many would consider being too positive detrimental. But it can be! Idealistic Distortion in terms of the assessment measures the extent to which a person distorts the relationship in a positive direction. A scale of 1-100 is used to measure Idealistic Distortion. A score below 40 indicates a more realistic approach to describing the relationship. However, a score above 65 indicates that a person represents their relationship in an overly positive manner and is seeing it through “rose-colored” glasses.

In other words, the lower a score is; the more realistic the view of their relationship. Conversely, the higher the score; the more unrealistic the perspective. This can be destructive.

The Pitfalls of Excessive Positivity

Consider the analogy of experiencing constant rain in tropical climates where one might live. For someone to say the sun is shining all day, every day, they would have to have wings and spend their time above the clouds, ignoring everything going on below. Taking this analogy to relationships, some might say this is a beautiful way to live. However, it is unrealistic and damaging to a relationship. If an actual problem does not receive proper and respectful consideration, and if one is not listening to the voice of the other, the result is unhealthy.

The Dangers of Ignoring Problems

Even the most blessed life will occasionally face challenges. It’s what you do when you face those challenges that matters most. Unfortunately, if you are like most people, what you do is ignore them – you pretend that they are not there, and either deal with them at the last-minute or hope that they go away. We see this approach occur in many different ways: Family/Friend Conflicts – When we are having trouble with a friend or family member, we ignore it and hope that they figure it out on their own. Finances and Debt – We see a bad credit score, for example, and assume that it will be fixed in time when we have more money. Job Satisfaction – Perhaps you don’t like your job. But often you are not doing anything about it, you are just hoping that it gets better. Ignoring problems may seem like a good solution. After all, if you ignore a problem then chances are it isn’t bothering you THAT much. But ignoring problems can also lead to serious challenges, some of which may be hard to face.

Another amazing part of the Prepare/Enrich Assessment is how it is designed to help couples identify their strengths and weaknesses in their relationship and work on areas that need improvement . It can help couples understand each other better and improve communication skills. Remember ignoring proactively addressing issues is better than ignoring them. Ignoring a small ember can lead to a raging fire. Just as tending to a flicker prevents a destructive blaze, attending to small issues prevents them from escalating into insurmountable obstacles.

Healthy Communication: The Key to Conflict Resolution

Recall the last time you and your partner disagreed on a fundamental decision. A constructive conversation, even in the face of disagreement, nurtures understanding and strengthens the bond. Longevity Coaching helps couples improve their relationships, emphasizes the importance of healthy communication in conflict resolution. Here are some key points:

1. Positive Couple Agreement (PCA) and Individual Scores: These are used to assess areas of strength and growth in a relationship.

2. Communication and Conflict Resolution: These are among the key relationship skills taught in the program.

3. Ten Core Scales: These assess couple’s relationship health and include Communication and Conflict Resolution.

4. Effective Communication Strategies: These include active listening, writing about the conflict, asking questions, cultivating empathy and compassion, recognizing differences, using open body language, and emphasizing your relationship with the person.

Remember, effective communication is crucial for resolving conflicts and maintaining a healthy relationship. It allows people to better understand each other’s thoughts, opinions, and needs. It’s also important to be open, careful about what you say and how you say it, and to be an active listener.


Balancing the allure of idealism with the realism of everyday life is essential for the longevity of any relationship. Longevity Coaching, in conjunction with the Prepare/Enrich Assessment, provides the tools and insights necessary to build a resilient and enduring bond, one that weathers life’s storms and cherishes its sunny days.

Ready to embark on the journey of a lasting and meaningful relationship? Take our marriage CHECK-UP and to discover your Idealistic Distortion score now.