To live effectively, significantly and honorably unto God, There are 3 bases in life that we must increase in. 





October Meditation Verse Proverbs 24:3-4

By wisdom, a house is built, and through understanding, it is established; through knowledge, its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.


The First is our Knowledge Base


(Repeat) The capacity of your learning will determine the standard of your living. Learning is what builds the reservoir for continuity and the ability to maximise potentials. The day you stop learning is the day you stop living. The day you stop learning is the day become obsolete.  Proverbs 24:5 declares that "… a man of knowledge increases strength." 


The Second is our Understanding Base


(Repeat) Understanding is the ability to translate meaning from Knowledge.  Proverbs  9:10 declares, "  The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. 


The Third is our Wisdom Base


(Repeat) Wisdom is knowing what to do and doing it.   If you know what to do and you don’t do it, you are just an “Informed fool”  or an “Educated fool”. 




For Destiny Encounters

Wisdom has built her house, She has hewn out her seven pillars – Proverbs 9:1


Consider this, when one builds a house, the first thing that must be laid is a foundation. Regardless of how beautiful the structure may be, if the foundation is weak, the future of the structure is not secure.  Proverbs 9:1 tells us that "Wisdom has built her house…"   But what is the foundation the House of Wisdom? 


Fortunately, the scriptures give us the answer. The foundation of the House of Wisdom is the FEAR of the LORD!

The fear of LORD is the beginning | of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. 

– Proverbs 9:10.

We don’t reach divine wisdom through much study or the acquisition of much understanding, no! We reach Divine Wisdom, by the fear of the LORD. The fear of the LORD is a reverential trust and obedience that says, "I will do whatever You want me to do, I will say whatever You want me to say, and I will go wherever You want me to go without delay" (Genesis 22) For without this kind of faith it is impossible to please God  (Hebrews 11:6), and there can be no true wisdom.   Therefore the lack of obedience towards an instruction of God is the classification of a house (life) of foolishness!



Culled from the Pillars of Wisdom for Destiny Encounters. A Message by Dr Shan Thumbran, October 2019.    


To live effectively, significantly and honorably unto God, there are 7 Wisdom Pillars you must pursue to encounter destiny.  


Wisdom Pillar #1

1. Discover Your Kingdom Dream 


What is a Kingdom Dream?  A Kingdom Dream is a mental picture of your authentic future as revealed by the Word of God.  Hebrew 12:1 declares  "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us".  


Therefore, your Kingdom Dream is not a desire but a discovery.  You don't decide it, you discover it. God has already "set (it) before us". Incredible!  Ambition says "I will do this by myself for myself." Vision says, "I will do this with God for others" this is a Dream from Heaven! 


A Kingdom Dream is a picture of your authentic future as revealed by the Scriptures

Look at another important concept. We said a Kingdom Dream is a picture of your authentic future as revealed by the Scriptures. A Kingdom Dram is by Revelation of the scriptures (Visions, Dreams, Audible Voice of God). 



Sow a seed for any amount. It helps me to keep writing.  God bless you!  


This is why a KINGDOM DREAM always guarantees fulfillment and completions.  This discovery kept Abraham to be the head and not the tail and it kept him satisfied in life! Romans 4:20 declares,  "He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strong in faith, (keep him going!) giving glory to God (Satisfied!) 


You cannot see the future and not remain at the top of life!

You cannot see the future and not remain strong in Faith!

You cannot see the future and not celebrate!

You cannot see the future and remained depressed!

Jesus, hang on the cross, with a smile on His face  – Why? He saw the end (Heb 12:2) 

Joseph was the most excited slave, his flint remained strong – Why? He saw the end! 


Unless your Dream is flying on the wings of God’s Word your future is not guaranteed in life (Isaiah 55:11). 

When you align your aspirations with God, you have a guarantee that it will come to pass. His Word cannot return void!

[shareable]You are not playing poker with God when it comes to your Kingdom Dream! [/shareable]






If you know where you are heading in life, "the how to get there?", " the what to do?" eventually opens up! #SeptemberVisionMonth Mall at RedsCenturion Mall 

It is true, “The World’s Most Powerful Leadership Principle”  is found in this simple audacious truth: invest in the search for the right people, convert them into teams who catch the vision, and execute the strategy and goals to RUN with the vision.



This principle applies to both businesses large and small, that for-profit or non-profit.


But here’s the SNAG,


…one of the most frustrating challenges a visionary leader will have to combat in the organisation is the battle against mediocrity.

Mediocrity means settling for less. Mediocrity means the inevitable departure of the best. The best team members, the best customers. An eagle leader serving under a pigeon leader will soon frustrate himself.


I’ve been leading an organisation for close to fourteen years. A challenge that continues to threaten the vision is the mediocrity factor. One of the greatest leadership challenges I continue to find myself experiencing occurs each time I decide to raise the standard of excellence. Resistance and resignations seem to be the snappy comeback of the mediocre.

Excellence repels mediocrity just as mediocrity drives away excellence.

Leaders who once operated in the highest degree of excellence became mediocre in the current context. Today’s excellence is tomorrow’s mediocrity. Therefore it’s important to keep pushing those mental boundaries.

Life by nature is progressive. Tomorrow’s expectations should make you dissatisfied with your current situation.

However, excellence is not achieved by many because it’s the potency of our character that makes it possible. Passion in everything we do is also important. Passion is the foundation of excellence.

Do you exude character?

Are you a person of passion?

Do you complete your work with quality?

Are you surrounding yourself with people who provoke aptitude and attitude in you?

Do you attack inconsistency and mediocrity on the spot?


Being good has never been good enough. We should continually exceed anticipations and raise the bar of excellence.

Most people think “good enough” is acceptable, but a person of excellence refuses to limit his expectation of life and business to just “good enough.”

I made a promise to myself; I refuse to be “just good enough.”

Excellence is the attitude on you that brings out the best in you. It’s the key to reveal your brilliance and give you exposure.

Success is not a miracle, it’s a product of the quality of work done right.

The battle against mediocrity is one you need to fight continually.

Fight against a mediocre state of mind.

Fight against mediocre behaviours.

Fight against mediocre beliefs.

The tragedy of Christianity today is the difficulty in distinguishing a believer from an unbeliever because of similarities in habits and lifestyles. Lying, cheating, stealing, hating, offending… Beloved, for as long as you are not different from them, your destiny can never be different from theirs.

I walked into a Christian bookshop at a particular church one day to my astonishment it was guarded by security personnel and “beeper machine” at the door.

It is a calamity to change the standards of God to suit the lifestyle of an unfaithful believer. As children of God, we must be conscious of our conduct (Phillians 2:15.) It is devastating when a believers conduct, discourages others from God.

We are instructed to ‘come out from among them’ ( 2 Cor 6:17.) We are called to distinction. However, there is no distinction without separation. Conformity is the reason for calamity. Separation is the reason for elevation.

The question is, “come out from among whom to do what?” We are instructed to come out of the worldly system to live the life of righteousness.

In the book of 2 Corinthians 9:10 it says, “Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness;”

I wish to encourage you concerning the seven seeds, righteous people sow daily in their lives.


(1) Word Seed

The first seed you must sow daily is

-Word Seed.


In the book of 2 Timothy 4:2, Paul says, “preach the WORD; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with complete patience and teaching”. This instruction is given to every believer! Be careful in replacing God’s Word with empty philosophies and catchy phrases that sound good but have no real power.

In 2 Timothy 3:16 Paul says, the Word is “profitable.” To profit from the Word, the light of the Word (“the entrance of thy Word brings light” Psalms119:113) must first enter into your spirit. A person does not get drunk by smelling alcohol, but by allowing it to enter his system. Likewise, many Christians read the Word, but don’t allow the Word to enter into their hearts. The reason for this is simple: they lack a genuine interest in the Word. Interest brings insight. People research and invest in what they are interested in.

Ask God to give you insight. The Word of God is the Wisdom of God.

Honourable people search out the scriptures (Proverbs 25:2).

Remember, it is not the Word that you read, but the Word that enters you, that changes you!



      (2) Praise Seed

The second seed you must sow daily is

-Praise Seed.


In Philippians 4:4 it says, “Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. Again I say rejoice.” We don’t rejoice for our hardship (or anybody else’s), we rejoice in our hardships.


David declared, “Then believed they his words; they sang his praise” (Psalm 106:12). People of faith are people of praise, not people of rage. Those who believe God rejoice; those who doubt God mourn. Whatever tenses you, fences you. What rages you, cages you.


The proof of a true believer is a lifestyle given to praise and worship. Father Abraham was not only a man of faith; he was a man of praise.

Romans 4:20 tells us that Abraham did not stagger at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strong in faith, giving glory to God.


People who praise have access to revelation. The four living creatures around the throne are described as having many eyes that are acquainted with revelation of the throne. (Revelation 4:6-11.) They are also known for praising and worshipping God, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come.” Anytime your praise level is low, it means you are down in faith. Depression is a faith killer. Depression is a Word-less disposition. It is impossible to be full of faith and be depressed at the same time. It is impossible to be full of the Word and be depressed at the same time.

True believers are uncomfortable with Word-less, praise-less and faithless people.

True believers rejoice in the truth that God is too faithful to fail!




(3) Love Seed

The third seed you must sow daily is a

-Love Seed.


Jesus commanded us to walk in love; firstly towards God, secondly, towards our neighbour. We love God with all of our heart, with all of our soul and with all of our mind. We love our neighbours as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:36-40).


Love for God decides how far you will go and how much you will achieve for God in the Kingdom.  To be a passionate lover of God is an indispensable quality. To love God is to place Him above anybody and anything.


Too many believers justify their lack of love for God with frivolous worldly reasoning: “I’m too busy with work,” or “I’m too busy with studies” …signifying a lack of passionate love for God – a justification for self-exhalation. Passionate love for God keeps us humble and available servants of the Kingdom.


Today, many children of God are very cold or lukewarm in their love towards God. Nothing about God moves them, but when you talk about sports, politics, a new dress, a new car, a husband or wife, they fire up and come alive.


In 1 Chronicles 29:3, Solomon says, “Moreover, because I have set my AFFECTION to the house of my God, I have of mine own proper good, of gold and silver, which I have given to the house of my God, over and above all that I have prepared for the holy house.” Wow! What a description of passion for God and His Kingdom!


Always keep your heart yearning for God, panting for His presence and passionate about His Kingdom. David loved God to the point of confronting a giant as a teenager.


Remember the seed of love you sow decides how far you will go and how much you will achieve for God in the Kingdom.



(4) Service Seed

The fourth seed you must sow daily is

-Service Seed.



The book of Acts 13:36 tells us, “For David after he had served his own generation by the will of God, fell on sleep, and was laid unto his fathers, and saw corruption.”

Notice the part that says “…was laid unto his fathers” – David was honoured at death because he invested his life as a servant of God.

Who is a servant of God? –The man who is not title or position driven! Some children of God will only tithe if they get pulpit recognition. Others will only serve if they are given a title to do so. In the second book of Philippians, it says concerning Jesus, “He laid down his title/s and position to become a servant; therefore God has exalted Him and given Him a great name”.

It is not possible to be proud and to be a servant simultaneously.

Be wary of attention seeking Christianity. Arrogant people draw attention away from God and unto themselves. Observe what happened to Herod the last time he took the glory of God “… Herod did not give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down, and he was eaten by worms and died.”  (Acts (12:23)

Continue to serve silently in the house God planted you. Avoid idol people, talkers who try to discourage many gullible servants from their seeds of service at the cost of the anointing. The anointing is attracted to servants, not idol people. Nobody even heard about a man by the name of David, yet he was destined to be king because he was the only one willing to serve his father’s flock.

Ask God for a revelation of the spirit of humility.

Allow the Holy Spirit to neutralise every trace of the spirit of Lucifer (pride) in you.

Practice servant-hood through the house God has planted you in until God lifts you.


(5) Presence Seed

The fifth seed you must sow daily is

-Presence Seed.


The book of Hebrews 10:25 declares, “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching” …a believer who neglects Church grieves the Holy Spirit.


A child of God who neglects a church service, a prayer service or any other church- related event because of tiredness or busyness has sinned against God and should seek the Lord for forgiveness. Anything that consistently takes you away from the cooperate presence of God becomes an idol in your life.


The seed of presence is being faithful to your commitments. The seed of presence is not forsaking the gathering of the Ecclesia. An honoured commitment is a manifestation of your esteem for the Holy Spirit. Imagine having an appointment to meet a person at a particular place and at a certain time, and you don’t pitch. You have a standing appointment with the Holy Spirit every Sunday!


If a believer works on a Sunday, he should believe God for a more honourable job that will enable him and his family to give thanks to God. Sadly, most Christians are more committed to making money and personal pursuit than they are to God and who they are created to be – which deserves their full commitment.


The most gifted person in the Kingdom, if unavailable for God, becomes the most useless person on earth, for the Kingdom. Your availability to God decides God’s availability to you. Your commitment to God decides God’s commitment to you. Why would God partner with uncommitted believers? Jesus commands us in Matthew 6:33, “But seek ye first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” The Kingdom of God deserves the highest level of commitment. As a Christian, your commitment to God should be greater than your commitment to your office or business or anything else. This is because your primary assignment on earth is to be committed and dedicated to God, first!  Jesus was not impressed with the people who used business and relationships as a justification for their unavailability to attend to matters pertaining to the Kingdom (Luke 14:16:21-24.)


If children of God can only believe that dividends of dedication to God and His Kingdom far outweigh the cost of commitment to God and His Kingdom, many more children of God will become mature Sons of God walking in the fullness of the power of the blessing.

It is impossible to give God first place in your heart and emerge last in life.  There are mockers, some as close as your own flesh and blood who will ridicule you for seeking God presence. They will say, “You are wasting your life” …but there is no such thing as wasted service to God.

Isaiah 45:19 says “…‘Seek ye Me in vain.’ I, the LORD, speak righteousness; I declare things that are right.”


Remember, your commitment to God should be greater than your commitment to your office or business or anything else.

(6) Prayer Seed

The sixth seed you must sow daily is

-Prayer Seed.


Many children of God have it all wrong when it comes to prayer. The only time you will get some to pray is when they are in need. This is a huge mistake. Prayer is not forgetting, prayer is for communicating –with God.


In the book of Mark 1:35, it tells us that Jesus prayed alone, long and often. In Matthew 14:23, it tells us that He prayed alone at evening and at the close of a busy day. He prayed alone before choosing the twelve apostles (Lk. 6:12,13). He prayed alone after a busy day healing the sick (Lk. 5:15,16). He prayed alone three times before his betrayal in the time of his agony. Three times he prayed alone, “Thy will be done” (Matt. 26:39-44; Lk. 22:39-46).


Why would Jesus who co-existed with His Father pray? There are two reasons: Firstly to walk agreement and secondly to fellowship. As a man, He discerned the Will of the Father through prayer (John 5:19. Amos 3:3)   Jesus also prayed because fellowship is necessitated through communication, and prayer is that communication. A prayerless man cannot walk in harmony with heaven. A prayerless man is a contradiction of spiritual protocol.

In Ephesians 6:18 it says, “Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.”


Paul would never have requested this of the church if he was not a man who “always prayed.” No wonder he was such a powerful Christian.


A life of fervent prayer connected Paul to such supernatural power, it says, “So that from his body were brought unto the sick handkerchiefs or aprons, and the diseases departed from them, and the evil spirits went out of them.” (Acts 19:12.)

The Word produces faith; prayer produces power. Your life will board to a new dimension of power through prayer.

Remember prayer is for communicating with God.

Through observing the protocol of prayer, demon busting power is made available to you

(7) Money Seed

The seventh seed you must sow daily is

-Money Seed.


Laws govern life and giving is a law. People who don’t know the laws of life end up low in life. People who know the rules end up ruling in life. In the Kingdom, quality seed is the key to ruling in life.


The Bible declares in the book of 2 Corinthians 9:6, “But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.”


The law of giving works like farming. Quality seeding equals quality reaping. Every good farmer considers two factors: the quality of seed and the quality of soil. Both of these factors determine the quality of the harvest. In the same way, the quality of your giving affects the quality of your reaping.


How does one determine the quality of giving?

Firstly, giving must be motivated by pure love.

Secondly, give with a heart free of offence, envy and strife. The works of the flesh destroys the life of a seed.

Thirdly, give willingly and eagerly. Joyful giving is the fertiliser of your seed.

It is vital to receive the grace to sow correctly to reap abundantly.



My prayer is that you ask the Holy Spirit to enable you to live your life directed by these 7 Laws of Seed.

Miditation Scriptures:

  •   2 Timothy 4:2
  •   2 Timothy 3:16
  •   Psalms119:113
  •   Proverbs 25:2
  •   Philippians 4:4
  •   Psalm 106:12
  •   Romans 4:20
  •   Revelation 4:6-11
  •   Matthew 22:36-40
  •   1 Chronicles 29:3
  •   Acts 13:36
  •   Hebrews 10:25
  •   Matthew 6:33
  •   Isaiah 45:19
  •   2 Corinthians 9:6



There is no such thing as “overnight success,” however, there is a thing as “ten-year overnight success.”  The new kid on the block or the new business on the corner that appears from obscurity suddenly turns into an overnight success! How? They seem to come out of nothing with the ‘Midas Touch.’



Incredible success appears from within them like liquid gold flowing in every direction. What the untrained eye and unsuspecting observer does not see, are the years it took to plan and believe; the courage, rejection and failure; the hard work and generosity that has gone into establishing the foundation to make it an incredible success.

As someone said, “there is no glory without a story.” Their glory cost thousands of hours of investment into their dream to build that unstoppable, unquenchable momentum.

Momentum is a very powerful thing.

Momentum is the energy of vision. All effective leaders cherish energy. Momentum flows into the vision and it produces outrageous results.

Unlike mediocrity; momentum can’t be developed in a day. It is developed daily, with consistent effort, focus, determination, passion and loyalty on the part of the leader first, and then the team.


The Leader’s Momentum

Momentum begins at the top. It starts with having a great vision, which the leader drives with conviction, passion, consistency and loyalty.

The inspirational author Eleanor Doan put it so well when she said:


“You Cannot Kindle The Fire of Vision in any Heart until it is Burning in Your Own.”

Is your heart on fire for the vision? If so, you have the Midas touch, if not, everything you touch will turn to lead.

Unless a leader begins to echo the sentiment to the vision like Kennedy and Armstrong penned it, “ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?” …you will be creating drag not momentum. People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision.

Drag is the enemy of vision. Drag opposes momentum. Imagine sticking your hand out of the window of a moving car and letting your hand fly; the force that pushes your hand back is called “drag.” Drag also produces friction (wear and tear).

Drag is unwanted because it makes the leader inefficient.


To reduce drag and increase efficiency… like a plane, leaders must streamline. Wheels of planes are tucked in to reduce drag. Unless a leader streamlines his focus and has an aerodynamic approach to the vision and goals, he will be the source of drag and inefficiency. When the engines of a plane quit, drag slows the plane down, and without momentum, the plane descends.


Building Momentum

How can a leader build momentum and get his team flying?

Firstly… have a Compelling Crystal Clear Vision – one he completely believes in and wants to achieve immediately.

Secondly… a leader must Enthusiastically Communicate this with drive, determination and passion to all stakeholders. He must guide everyone within the team to not only support it, but to completely buy into the vision on an emotional level.

Unless a leader owns the vision emotionally, he can never compel his team to take ownership. As he champions the vision, leading from the front with courage, passion, enthusiasm and real energy, his team will support him with equal vigour.

Slowly but surely, the team will gather momentum.

Without momentum, even a tiny obstacle can block him from moving forward. With momentum, he will break through problems without barely even noticing them.

A train travelling at 150km on a railroad can crash through a 1.5 meter thick steel-reinforced concrete wall without stopping. However, that same train starting from a stationary position will not be able to go through a 10cm thick block in front of the driving wheel.

The same is true with a team. It is never the size of your problem that is the problem. It’s a lack of momentum.

A leader must steer the ship with enthusiasm every second of every day. In this way he will gradually attract the same from all his people and he will start to see progress.


Below are some practical suggestions on how a leader can build the Big Mo:


Momentum Maker #1. Laser Sharp Focus


A leader must have an aerodynamic approach to his leadership if he desires to generate momentum.

That means he must FOCUS on creating an understanding of the vision statement and follow-through strategy.

By attempting to do everything, and by attempting to be everything to everyone, a leader drains momentum.



Momentum Maker #2. Back to the Future


When a leader focuses on the bigger and brighter future, he increases the internal combustion of the organisation.
Focusing on a better tomorrow will not always be received with enthusiasm. Certain people are preoccupied with the past and will cause drag and friction when they are challenged to let go of it for a better future.

I love this quote, “Losers yearn for the past and get stuck in it. Winners learn from the past and let go of it.”

A leader must be on the winning side!



Momentum Maker #3. Operate As a Team


Nothing destroys momentum faster than individualism.

Teamwork is catalytic.

Unless numerous people are allowed to fight and claim the victory, momentum can never grow. A great leader has everyone on his team, involved according to their strengths. The level of celebration on a team depends upon the level of participation.



Momentum Maker #4. Creative Juice


One of the greatest setbacks to progress is holding on to what worked in the past.

A great hindrance to creativity is the mindset that says, “that’s how we have always done it.”

Jack Dixon said it this way, “If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.”

Unless a leader is willing to let go of past ideas, and past people, momentum will be severely compromised.



Momentum maker #5. Fiery Passion


Passion is contagious. Passion energises.

Nothing is more disheartening to vision than a leader without passion.

Passion drives the execution of vision into the dimension of excellence. Mediocre leaders are passionless.

Passion is the fuel to innovation. Passion provides the courage to drive the innovation to completion.

Two people with passion can outperform one million people with none.



Momentum Maker #6. Lead With Integrity

Integrity cannot be faked. Integrity cannot be built overnight.

The leader of integrity builds trust. Trustworthy leaders have a much easier time generating momentum than leaders with a reputation of being manipulative and deceitful.



Momentum Maker #7. Don’t Conform – Innovate


Change is difficult. It demands sacrifice, but change is required to build momentum.

Sticking with the status quo won’t create an ounce of momentum. Conformity is the enemy of change and momentum.



Momentum Maker #8. Lead with Gratitude


No one can claim to be a self-made success.

Whatever accomplishments we attain in life have connections to the goodwill and support of those around us.

When we express thankfulness for the benefits bestowed upon us by friends, mentors, etc. those people are more apt to aid us again in the future.

Gratitude will prevent a generous person from exiting your life.

Expressing gratitude and showing appreciation is a momentum maximiser.


Momentum Maker #9. Take Action

It’s not the leader who comes up with the ideas, but the leader who has the tenacity and discipline to make ideas happen. That is what’s impressive!

At times a leader will have to act without having all the information or resources. Momentum and risk-taking go hand in hand.


Work to remove all demotivating factors from within your team or organisation.

Move to the next step, which is to find ways to inspire every member in your team.

Celebrate all individual and team accomplishments. The more you recognise and honour the individuals within your teams, those who consistently keep the ball moving forward; the more they will want to perform themselves. You will encourage everyone to perform at their best.

It felt authentic, perfect as Sirius against the night carpet sky. You could feel it; we were “meant for each other.”

Aglow in love, bonded in an endless future of promises, our relationship swiftly moved from the casual dating stage to the deeper and emotionally-connected courtship stage.

We had the “perfect thing” going on, until that moment – our “first fight.” Not physical but how a mere disagreement could make us feel so distraught was beyond explainable!

Perhaps you can recall your first fight? For us, suddenly everything changed.

A new bell was added to our relationship. Something we knew was here to stay. Suddenly, doubt and uncertainty filled our hearts, “are we meant for each other?” Prevailing thoughts that seem to dim our shining star.

It’s been fifteen years since and we’ve had many more intense fights, but we’ve overcome them all. Here’s the reason why: It’s not IF you fight, but HOW you fight that’s important.

Most couples love each other deeply, but don’t know how to fight well. We have not figured it all out as yet, however, what we are aware of, is the fact that happy or not —all couples fight and sometimes furiously.

Be that as it may, an essential part of the anatomy of a healthy and stable marriage is the knowledge on how to resolve the conflict.


Guidelines On How To Deal With Conflict:



#1. Start Slow and Soft


Begin your discussion with the correct tone. “A gentle answer turns away anger”.

Next state your complaint about a specific action you may have disliked. In doing so,  you NEVER condemn your spouse. You are permitted to complain, but DON’T blame.

Describe what is happening to your feelings about what has been said or done, but don’t evaluate and judge.

Talk calmly about what you need to and NEVER bring up past resentments and failures.

Here is an example “… last night at the restaurant before everyone at the dinner table, you said, ‘I’ve picked up a tonne of weight.’ That was unexpected and hurt me. Please don’t speak about my weight again before anyone; I’ve just had our baby.”




#2. Words Break Or Build 


It’s easy for emotions to get out of hand, and to become malefic, using our words to hurt and break each other.

However, it’s essential to learn how to find ways to repair the damage with your words and deeds. When emotions go berserk, REMEMBER, the goal in dealing with conflict, the proper way is to de-escalate the emotionalism and get the conversation back on a constructive track.

This requires both emotional and spiritual maturity. It’s important that one of you has both oars in the water when you both feel like flying off the handle.


#3. Empathy Deepens Your Marriage and Friendship   


The ability to understand and share the feelings of another can work miracles in your marriage.

Unless you are willing to make TRUE effort to understand your spouse’s way of thinking and feelings; empathy will not work for you.

Empathy deepens your marriage and friendship and can be applied in the following ways:

Awareness — Be aware of what your spouse is feeling and what’s behind that feeling.

Awareness starts with being observant around your spouse.

Agenda — Set aside your own agenda and focus on the needs of your spouse.

Agenda is all about being selfless INSTEAD of selfish. It’s about putting your spouse’s needs before your own.

Action — Take action on meeting the needs of your spouse.

Actions speaks louder than words, but attitudes speak louder than actions. Whatever you do for your spouse, do it with a cheery attitude.




#4. Make Each Other Bigger Than The Problem


Acknowledging the problem is important, but making your marriage bigger than the problem is priority.

Making your marriage bigger than any problem can be achieved as follows:

WORK TOGETHER at getting to the root of the problem.


CONSIDER EACH other’s point of view.

ARRIVE AT A COMPROMISE, find a way to resolve it and arrive at a compromise.

SOLUTIONS, come up with solutions.

SELECT A SOLUTION that you are both happy with and can carry it out.

BE DETERMINED to make amends or to make up for wrong doings.

RESOLVE to prevent a recurrence.

#5. Accept The Things Your Dislike In Each Other



The same personality traits that attracted you to your spouse in the first place, become the things that you may grow to dislike.

It’s great, for example, to have a responsible husband who is punctual, neat and orderly. You never have to wait for him, pick up after him, do his chores or worry whether he’ll pick up the kids on time. If he says he will do it, you know he will. BUT, oftentimes such husbands may be rigid about others following rules and are inflexible.

We can be annoyed by the same traits that initially attracted us to each other. Remember during your dating or courting stage you raved about how ambitious and driven your spouse was. When conflict showed up, you now call him a ‘self-absorbed workaholic’.
The truth is, not all issues can be resolved. This is a time to accept what you can’t change and trust God to change what you can’t.


Since the Garden of Eden, a woman’s power over men has not lessened. Today, the advertising industry exploits this power in order to sell everything from cars to jets. Magazines, billboards, store windows and the internet use women… seductive women, and sensual images to possess a man’s undersense and clutch his attention.

Every day men walk away from their wives, children, friends, parents, siblings—risking career and reputation. For what? Another woman!

A woman is so powerfully created, so remarkably influential, God’s credendum to tame her was submission – to her husband.

Consider the power of Delilah. Samson whom she seduced could take on an army of warriors, but he surrendered to the charms of one woman.

Take King David who faced and neutralised Goliath, a giant; yet was conquered by Bathsheba. David was so obsessed, he was drawn away from his God into immorality, lies and ultimately murder.

Consider Solomon who ruled over the golden years of Israel, the wisest of all, but fell under the spell of the power of women.
God made a woman deadly attractive and at the same time death was not the Designers’ original purpose for this fascinating and enchanting creature. She was designed to give life! For example, the name Eve means ‘life giver’.


Feminity is the power to give life not to destroy it.


Eve was created to complete Adam, to nurture life in him and to create new life with him through the birthing of children.

Many wives do not understand how profound this power is. God has blessed you with a feminine ability to influence your husband’s life for the greater good.
Man was incomplete. God orchestrated the perfect arrangement for His grand finale of creation: a woman – “a suitable and compatible helper for him.” It is still true since “in the beginning” in Genesis, a wife makes a man complete and whole.



Your husband has this same need.


God brought you into his life to be his “helper” and to meet his companionship need. In Christian marriage, this oneness is a unity of mind, body and soul,which is celebrated through the sexual union.

Never allow yourself to feel somehow superior or unneeded. You are your husband’s most trusted advisor and greatest ally.



Adam’s ‘aloneness need’ was not just for companionship, but sexship.


When God made a man to be attracted to a woman, He had multiple purposes in mind.

He needed Eve for the joy of finding pleasure in her total person—body, soul and spirit—and for the affirmation and blessing of his identity as a man that came through her love for him.

Every wife has a deep, life-altering responsibility to her husband to be a helper, and to help him feel like the man God created him to be because without her, the man is incomplete and incompetent on his own in the quest to fulfil God’s purpose for them.


In honour of this remarkable and beautiful creature whom God created to be man’s help meet, I declare you are amazing, you are beautifully built, you are soft, gentle, and your emotional intelligence is a great asset to a man.

You are the spiritual symbolism of God’s relationship with his people, where your submission and dependence upon your husband is symbolic of the submission and dependence that God wants his people to show toward him.


You are celebrated today – Happy Mother’s Day 




Loyalty is essential for organizational and relational success. But loyalty is a two-way street. It works both ways, top-down and bottom-up. For you to benefit from what I call  The Reciprocal Success Effect…  pledging your loyalty to an organization or a relationship must be done correctly.

Do you have a desire…

to demonstrate your loyalty and seek favor from your seniors -for professional advancement -but not certain how to without seeming “fake”?

I wrote this blog, with that in my mind.

For the leader who desires to gain deeper insight in this decisive success virtue or the follower who’s aim is to become the future leader, My hope is that the seven revelations of loyalty add value to your life.



The Seven Revelations of Loyalty


#1. Transparency!

Are The Leaders and The Organisation Transparent?


You will never become loyal until you are fully persuaded about your leader, friends or organisation.

This means transparency is vital!  An organisation or relationship that’s not open about their stuff, (vision, ethos, finances…,) especially during crises, this usually indicates, something is up.

Integrity never hides or goes silent during periods of doubt and uncertainty.


Loyalty Demands that You be Fully Persuaded.




#2. Predominant Loyalty!

Loyalty Must Always Be To The Higher Authority


The larger your organisation grows, the more ‘authority figures’ you need to submit to.

For instance, as CEO of our ministry, I have two executives (finance and operation) under me. They have 11 Heads of Department under them, who each have one team leader and a trainee or two under them. In total, we are about one hundred leaders.

Often leaders confuse and take what I call Predominant Loyalty and direct it towards the wrong person/s.  Unless there is a serious integrity issue that threatens the stability of the organisation and its future, your Predominant Loyalty does NOT belong to your team or team leader or his leader, but to the visionary – The most senior leader in your organisation.Brutus is engraved into the monument of history for diverting predominant loyalty.

Brutus the name is engraved on the monument of history for diverting predominant loyalty.

I have seen over the years, leaders who end up in resentment, bitterness or offence how they have crafted stories to destroy predominate Loyalty towards the visionary in their subordinates.


Loyal must always remain to the higher authority.




#3. Clarity!

Never Withhold or Distort Information


Remain transparent before your team and open to your seniors at all times. Withholding information regarding anything that can harm the vision or relationship is considered sabotage through dishonesty and betrayal.

Withholding information regarding anything that can harm the vision or relationship is considered sabotage through dishonesty and betrayal.

Grievances must be resolved in its infant stage. If not, it will erupt into something unpleasant and costly.
If you cannot effectively deal with a grievance and you know it could harm the organisation, NEVER neglect it. Escalate it to your direct report Timeously and CLEARLY then follow it up.




Loyalty Demands Tranparancy

#4. Principles!

Loyalty is Based on Principle, Not Emotion


Decisions based on emotion and not principle are always bizarre and capricious!

Be weary of “tantrum throwers,” “attention seekers,” “drama queens and kings.” Such are spiritually and emotionally immature and threaten organisational stability and growth. Never neglect these ‘crying babies’, confront them and help them to heal or exit.



Loyalty is Based on Principle, Never Emotion.




#5. Sacrifice!

Loyalty Will Cost You Because Everything Has a Price


Everything has a price.

You’ll feel one of two things when people exist your life: pain or pleasure. When you love people and desire only what’s best for them, and they exit your life or organisation on the wrong terms, this experience can get you all torn apart.

On the other hand,  learning to accept a disloyal person’s exit is necessary for your protection and future success, and eventually acceptance solicitudes the pain.



#6. Comfort!

Loyalty will Cost You Physical Things


Have you ever wondered why a CEO would just “walk away from it all?” INTEGRITY!
The highest degree of loyalty is what I call “Self Loyalty.” If you can’t respect yourself, you will not respect others.   You can lie to everyone all the time, but you can’t lie to yourself at any time.

I’ve noticed over time as I studied the mannerisms of loyal people, who walked away from it all, compared to treacherous people who ‘resign with immediate effect.’

The difference is, disloyal people never leave silently, like Lucifer, who took one-third of the angels with them, their departure must cause some kind of damage, to satisfy their vindictive motives.    Even long after they’ve left, they continue to broadcast damaging information about the organisation and its leaders.

On the other hand, a loyal person who operates in integrity may walk away from an organisation, but the difference is, he would NEVER  slander it leadership (especially over social platforms,) even if they are in the wrong.

Think about it? Which ethical organisation would not want to hire and work with a leader like this?


Disloyalty is Professional Suicide


#7. Testing!

Until You Are Tested You Will Never Know


No person is found loyal until they have been sufficiently tested. The Character of a Leader is more superior than the talent of a leader, the knowledge of a leader, the experience of a leader,  the skill of a leader

It’s unwise to get carried away by a person’s gift, title or stature without TESTING their character first.

A mistake I’ve made that cost me and my teams tremendous pain and loss of organisational momentum.

Test every vessel before you use them.


Loyalty is tested through three ways: Time, Trials and Testing of Heart




Loyalty is a reciprocal success factor.  You must learn this life skill to protect the things that are dear to your heart.


Then there’s marriage, yes, one of the BIGGEST decisions you will make in life. Joining yourself up to another person for the rest of your life is the riskiest business ever!

Are there some guidelines? Can one enter marriage being;



Although you are not guaranteed a happy, divorce-proof marriage – wisely PREPARING, greatly enhances your chances, towards the most exciting phase of your life.





Here are some of the questions you should ask yourself, what many wish they’d known  before vowing the big “I DO”


These are also the secrets of the happiest couples, almost like a mathematical formula for deciding who to marry.

10 Questions Before You Tie The Knot


#1. Do We Care about Each Other as True Friends Do?

When you’re getting serious about someone, don’t ask: “Are we in love?” The question to first ask instead is: “Are we becoming True Friends?”

Another word for marriage is FRIENDSHIP. If you marry for “love” your marriage will be based on chemistry (feelings), but if you marry for friendship, your marriage will be built on loyalty and trust.

I love this quote, “Good friends care for each other, close friends understand each other, but TRUE FRIENDS stay forever. Beyond words, beyond distance & beyond time.”

“True Love” often gets confused for infatuation, romance – things that are essentially selfish.

This type of “love” is sandy ground and not a good reason to get married, but friendship is. True Friendship is made of true love. This kind of friendship is not self-centered. Real love is about giving and caring about another person’s life.

In ancient Biblical wedding ceremonies, the bride and groom are given seven blessings. The couple is blessed not once, but twice; declaring they should become “beloved friends.”

“I’m watching you, hearing you, paying attention to you. I’ve put it all together and have arrived at the conclusion that you and your life mean something to me.”  This is the essence of real love and friendship.

Make sure you are friends first and then lovers. A lover who is not your friend can easily hurt you. A friend who is your lover will never hurt you. And if they do, they will make every effort to repair the hurt the same way you would with your best friend. Friends care about each other’s happiness and well-being.


#2. Are We Vulnerable and Emotionally Honest with Each Other?

Two people who cannot be emotionally open with each other can never have true INTIMACY.

When we share our feelings with another, we connect and feel close to that person.

Expressing feelings makes us vulnerable. It’s dangerous. This is why many are afraid to share what they feel. BUT, with the person you’re considering marrying, you must be sure you feel safe.

How do you know if the two of you are emotionally open and honest?

The next time you have a conversation with your partner, ask him or her, “What do you feel about me right now?” or “How does what I just said make you feel?” or “How do you think about me, now that you know my past?”

If you can communicate like this with each other consistently, you have the potential for building an intimate relationship based on true friendship. If not, WALK AWAY!



#3. Do We Consistently Reach Win/Win Resolutions In Our Problems?


A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.

The reason is that marriage is not only made of happiness, but problems!

Consequently, to get married, you must be sure you have great communication skills.

I remember during our courtship stage, my wife and I spoke for hours on the phone and felt very ‘connected’, but that didn’t mean we were good communicators. Don’t mistake good chemistry for good communication.

I know this doesn’t sound very romantic, but it’s very realistic.

The only way you know if you have good communication is when you have problems.

A disagreement of any kind, small or large, reveals how good or bad a communicator you are. Oh boy, how I sucked!

The goal of good communication is simple; reach a win-win solution. If you can remember to practice this principle when you are finished talking and both of you feel good about the solution, you reduce the possibilities of ‘bad feelings’ on either side.

Why is this important? Problems that don’t get fully resolved turn into resentments. When resentments build – love and intimacy departs.

The problem is not the problem. How we communicate about the problem is the problem.


#4. Do We Take Care of Each Other’s Needs?


One of the most important principles of marriage is: If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.

Taking care of each other’s needs is about wanting to give each other pleasure. Being a giver is probably the most important character trait to have for getting married.

The day you stop giving is the day your marriage dies. People are naturally takers. It takes lots of effort to become a genuine giver.

Giving in order to get something back is being a taker.

An important question to ask yourself is, “Do I enjoy giving to this person or do I find it burdensome?”

Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages, suggests that each of us has a dominant love language or emotional need that makes us feel loved when another “speaks” that language to us. They are gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch. What is your partner’s love language? Do you enjoy taking care of this need?

Giving builds love. Taking destroys it.


#5. Do We Admire And Respect Each Other?


We need to respect and admire the person we marry.

We respect a person’s good character, life’s aspirations, goals and the good deeds accomplished… NOT their looks!

How do you talk to each other? If you truly respect someone, you talk to that person with respect and dignity.

Do you criticize or put each other down?
Are you patient or impatient with each other?
Do you make jokes about the other person in front of others and then try to cover it by saying, “I was only kidding?”

One of the biggest ways that couples demonstrate a lack of respect for each other is by criticizing each other publicly, before the children, family or friends.

This is immature and childish. Mature people who respect each other don’t disrespect each other. They are consistently up front, open, honest and respectful.


#6. Mr, Are You Ready to Take Responsibility for a Wife and Family?


The strongest need of a woman is to be cherished.

The three A’s of cherishing a woman are Attention, Affection and Appreciation.

Neglect DESTROYS a woman’s spirit.

Making your wife feel loved and cherished is not just a nice idea; it’s a Biblical obligation.


#7. Miss, Do You Believe in Him?


Your man needs your respect and support, more than your love. He needs you to believe in him more than your touch.

Men today are under so much pressure and so many demands are made on them. The one place he DOESN’T need to feel more pressure is at home. He needs you to believe that he is trying hard to provide for you and the needs of the family. The cruellest thing a wife can do is nag her husband. If he is a good man and he is trying hard, give him your love, not your list of demands.

So before you commit your life to him, make SURE your motives are pure. Don’t have any hidden agenda or unexpressed expectations.
Be upfront.

If you decide to be his wife, then be his friend as well. Don’t turn on him.


#8. Do I Trust This Person Completely?


The emotional foundation of love is trust.

Without complete trust, you can’t build love.

Essentially trust is captured in the question, “Are you there for me?”

A great marriage is built on solid trust. Can I trust that you will provide a safe home for my feelings and needs? Can I be sure I can be vulnerable with you? Am I afraid you will abandon, reject or shame me?

A key way to build trust is by respecting and validating someone’s feelings. Listening to someone’s feelings is one of the greatest acts of kindness we can perform.

If you don’t trust each other with your feelings, think twice about getting married.


#9. Do We Want the Same Things Out of Life?


One of two things happens in a marriage: People either grow together or grow apart.

Spiritual compatibility is one of the best ways to ensure you’ll grow together.

This means you are on the same page in terms of your values, priorities and life goals.

Rabbi Noah Weinberg of blessed memory would often teach that life’s most important question is, “What am I living for?”

Until you can answer this question, you have no business getting married.

Marriage is risky. Two people who don’t know what they’re living for may have a difficult time growing together and staying together in the long run.

A soul mate is a goal mate.


#10. Do I Have Peace of Mind About This Decision?

To have peace of mind you have to identify and resolve two things: the things that bother you about getting married and things that bother you about marrying this person.

To identify everything that bothers you, you must be ruthlessly honest with yourself and listen to your feelings. If you don’t have peace of mind about marrying this person, track down the reason. If you are diligent, you’ll discover the reason why you are dragging your feet.

If you can’t track it down through your efforts, see a competent relational coach to help you.

Related article: 10 Women Men Should Never Marry