Every girl looks forward to finding her Prince Charming. The moment love finds them, then the dream fairytale wedding and a perfect life thereafter. But, as you grow older, you realise that nobody’s perfect. So instead of looking for Mr Perfect, you look for the one who is perfect for you -a sign you’ve matured.
As Pastors for over a decade, alongside Rey, my wife (16 years and counting) we’ve observed how beautiful, ambitious girls, settled for less than THE BEST.
One of the most difficult things we face at times is trying to speak “sense” into some of these precious hearts. Whether it is by way of, Whatsapp, Email or our Dating and Courtship Workshops, we’d encourage these young ladies, “yes follow your heart, but not without your brain.”
Often the complaint we hear from them is, “the pickings are slim to none at the Church.” So they venture into the world throwing up their hands in despair, and desperation. Even lowering their standards in order to find “love.”
We shared with them our mistakes; we encourage them not settle for less than God’s best. As much as we feel we do our best, our wisdom often is disregarded and the consequences for them are inevitable.
Too many Christian women today, have ended up with an Ishmael because impatience pushed them into an unhappy marriage. This is a great sadness!
It’s my sincerest hope, this article would help you. I’ve always believed God is in the matchmaking business. He matched me with my wife and He can do it for you. How or when I can’t tell you but what I can tell you is which guy not from Him.
So what are the qualities of a keeper: How do you recognize a good guy?
It’s true, as you look for Mr Right, you look past some of the bad traits, so you can see all the good ones.
This shows that you’re not shallow, emotionally mature and possibly ready for a steady relationship. But, despite how shallow it might seem, there are some guys you should just AVOID like the black plague!
10 Types Of Guys To Put On Your Do Not Date List
#1. The Controller Freak
Do not date a controller!
You may fancy the “attention” in the early dating stage. Particularly if you grew up as a young girl without the affection, attention and love of your father. A controlling man will come back to haunt your marriage.
Here is the truth about biblical leadership, it is servant leadership, not domination!
There are many “Christian men” who go around quoting scriptures about headship and being the spiritual leader. However, their idea of leadership is having a woman be subservient to them.
They may quote Scripture and sound super-spiritual, but behind the façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that destroys and leads into spiritual and emotional abuse. God created a man and a woman as equal. A man and a woman differ in function, not status!
“Commands husbands to treat their wives as equals.”
1 Peter 3:7
If the man you are dating talks down to you makes demeaning comments about women or seems to quench your spiritual fire for God, back away now!
You don’t need his “power trip” issues to further complicate your life.
Women who marry “religious control freaks” often end up depressed and having a marriage like “Nightmare on Elm’s Street.”
Put that type of guy on your do not date list.
#2. The Deceiver
One of the major challenges in modern society is the lack of understanding of the difference between; dating and courtship.
Dating is for discernment. Discerning important things such as; character, emotional and intellectual compatibility.
It’s important to look beyond physical attraction. Hers is why, when people date, they put their “best foot” forward to try to impress the other person, right? This is human nature. What is not human nature is when people intentionally deceive a person about their past or their character.
If you discover that the guy you are dating has deceived you about his past… run for the hills!
Marriage must be built on a foundation of friendship which is built on the foundation trust.
If he can’t be truthful about his mistakes in the past or about his character flaws, break up now before he deceives you with an even bigger deception.
This guy deserves to be on your do not date list.
#3. The Irresponsible Man-Child
Is your guy still living with his mama? Run and don’t look back!
Call me old-fashion, but if a guy at age 35 is still living with mum’s and pap’s, he is going to the tough-nut to please!
Forget about getting him to do any chores around the house. You’ll be like, baby in the one arm, the other whimpering in the cot, while you doing the cooking and thinking about the ironing. I’ve seen marriages crush, because of the uninvolved, present but absent husband.
If his mother is still doing his cooking, cleaning and ironing at that age, you can be sure he’s stuck in an emotional time warp.
He is an overgrown baby in an adult’s body. You are asking for trouble if you think you can be a wife to a guy who hasn’t grown up and is not responsible enough.
If he can’t take care of himself, how the heck he going to take care of you, the children?
Back away and, as a friend, encourage him to find a mentor who can help him mature.
But whatever you do, put him on your do not date list.
#4. The Chippendale
There are actually men in the church and especially online that prey on women who are gullible, lonely and needy.
They will lead them right down the path of sexual promiscuity with no intention of marrying them.
If you marry someone who cannot control his libido prior to marriage, what makes you think he will control it after you are married?
If he has a “wandering eye” in front of you, trust me, sweetheart, he’s a player, flirting with others girls behind you.
How will you ever trust a guy like this, who can not trust his optical system?
This type of guy is a no-brainer for your do not date list.
Finding a man who has control over his sexual appetites is a rare gem indeed.
You will be well served to find such a man.
#5. The Abuser (Spiritual, Emotional, Or Physical)
Abuse is caused by anger and manipulation.
If the guy you are dating has a tendency to fly off the handle, either at you or others, don’t be tempted to rationalise his behaviour.
He has a problem, and if you marry him you have a problem, a serious problem. You will have to walk on eggshells in your own home. Angry men hurt women—verbally and sometimes physically.
Put that type of guy on your do not date list.
Pray for a gentleman.
Pray for a guy that doesn’t try to manipulate his world to always get his way.
Pray for a guy that can accept when things are not what he wants all the time.
#6. The Deserter
Do not date a deserter!
There are many great Christian men who have experienced the tragedy of divorce and have done the things necessary to heal from that event in their life and are ready to have a great marriage.
The Holy Spirit has restored them and now they want to remarry.
But if you find out that the man you are dating hasn’t been caring for his children from a previous marriage, you have just exposed a fatal flaw.
Any man who will not support children from a previous marriage is not going to treat you responsibly.
What makes you think that he will support you when he will not take responsibility for his own children or be the dad that his kids need?
Put him on your do not date list.
#7. The GQ Man
Everybody should marry somebody that is physically attractive to them.
But be careful: If your guy spends six thousand hours a day at the gym and regularly posts closeups of his biceps on Facebook, you have a problem, drink 13 red bulls and fly away!
He is self-absorbed if he cares more for his triceps or his toys (car, or hobby) that he cares for you. The guy who’s willing to drop it all for you, he’s the one! Never accept second best when God has only the best for his daughter.
Watch out for the narcist. Narcissus was an ancient Greek mythological figure who was so beautiful that he fell in love with himself – but because he couldn’t leave his own reflection in the water, he eventually drowned.
A person who is a narcissist is so convinced of their own greatness that they don’t see their weaknesses. Marrying a narcissist is a very one sided relationship. They’re always trying to vaunt their own greatness – often at the expense of others.
When a person is self-absorbed then they don’t have the time nor the inclination to give themselves to someone else. They are in fact in love with themselves.
He might be cute, but a man who is infatuated with his appearance and his own needs will never be able to love you sacrificially like Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25).
The man who is always looking at himself in the mirror will never notice you!
Put him on your do, not date list.
#8. The Addicted User
Guys who go to church but are addicted to mind altering substances have learned a secretive behavioural lifestyle.
Never marry a man who refuses to get help for his addiction.
Insist that he get professional help and walk away.
And don’t get into a co-dependent relationship in which he claims he needs you to stay sober.
You can’t fix him. It is not your job it is God’s job!
Don’t try to be “holy spirit junior,” and try to anyone. Firstly He does not need your help (thank you very much,) secondly, don’t deceive yourself into thinking, “he will change once we marry.” If God can’t change him, neither will marriage or you!
Take enough time to know someone before you get married. That’s the purpose of dating.
You don’t want to be surprised on your honeymoon that you actually married a crack head.
Put him on your d, not date list.
#9. The Lazy Bum
Do not date a lazy bum!
The first thing God gave Adam was a JOB, not a wife! For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. 2 Thessalonians 3:10
Does your guy have a job?
Does he have a life plan?
If the answer is now, he can’t afford you or marriage. I can’t tell you how many ladies I have seen supporting guys who have no plan in their life.
The rule to eating applies to marrying you as well. If he is not willing to work, he has no business marrying a godly woman like you!
Ladies, don’t sell your spiritual birthright for a bowl of stew.
Don’t marry a man that doesn’t deserve you. Put him on your do not date list.
Please receive our “fatherly” or “motherly” advice:
You are much better off single than with the wrong guy!
Your smartest decision in life is to wait for a man who is sold out to Jesus!
#10. The Unbeliever
Don’t date an unbeliever!
Please take this scripture and write it on a post-it note and place it on your mirror, refrigerator and your computer at work.
“Don’t yoke with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-15
You don’t want to be “yoked” with a man who does not know the LORD and God’s Word. It becomes complicated and more so when the children arrive.
Don’t be fooled by good looks, a witty personality, financial prosperity, or even a willingness to go to Church with you while you are dating. If the guy was not actively serving the Lord prior to you meeting him, then he is not marriage material.
Marriage taps into the spiritual dynamics of unity. If you don’t have a spiritual agreement, you don’t have a real agreement. You must do a spiritual X- Ray before you date anyone. Don’t treat dating a guy like an item on the shopping list. Get it when you need it kinda thing….
It’s possible to end up being that woman who gets trapped in unfulfilling marriages because you fell prey to the guy who wanted to find a “good Church girl” but had no intention of being a good Church man himself. So be aware of this.
I have never met one godly woman who didn’t regret marrying an unbeliever.
Please put them on your do, not date list.