You can’t get everybody to like you, and that’s ok, but it’s important to get the right people to like. A mentor of mine once said, “God loves everybody but God don’t like everybody.” How likeable are you? It is possible to be on the likeable side of the people that matter. Yes, it is. Making yourself more appealing to others, is a social skill and it requires a good understanding of some key principles of social psychology.
Learning how to become a more likeable as a person, can benefit your social life, marriage life and your career. As an executive coach, I have observed that all leaders with a good disposition, want to be liked by others, but few know how to be more likeable.
Do you recall the “elephant in the room” when you sat on in plane or bus, next to a person with poor interpersonal skills? Awkward and emotionally draining.
In the business domain, getting along with others while getting the job done, is the mark of a maverick leader. Great interpersonal skills include everything from communication skills, listening skills, to attitude and deportment. These skills are used by the unforgettable leader to interact with others effectively.
I’d like to share with you some principles that may help make you become more appealing to others:
THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL ASPECT TO UNDERSTAND:
Not Everybody Will Like You, and That is Ok!
No matter how nice you are and what good you do, not everybody is going to like you. The very behaviour that will get some people to adore you, will make others abhor you. And if you want everybody to like you, you will have to become a chameleon.
So if you’re intent is to get everyone to like you, forget it. Nonetheless, you can make more people like you, you can increase your likeability factor, and this can be a goal worth pursuing.
Be Careful of Approval Seeking; You will End Up in Deep Waters!
People who seek the approval of others, usually do things with the wrong motivation. When one’s motives are wrong, productivity cannot be sustained, but also, it is psychologically unhealthy. Be particularly on your guard if you are; shy, have a low self-esteem, you are a perfectionist, or you have a deep feeling of inferiority to others. People with these traits shortfalls want to be adored by all and never be rejected.
I want to you, stop seeking approval and learn to how to be socially confident.
Be Confident, not Arrogant!
Confidence is often misconstrued as arrogance, by people with low self-esteems. But, confidence and arrogance are not the same. Superiority is the main quality of an arrogant person. Arrogant people think that they are superior to others. Individuals who are confident are happy and tend to be by far the most likeable people. These are the people who “see the cup half full,” instead of “half empty.” They are not negative; they exude optimism, gravitate towards hope, radiate feelings of joy, through their body language. They joke around and focus on having fun while being productive.
This feel-good, have-fun attitude is extremely contagious, and it makes others around them feel good and enjoy themselves as well. And then they end up liking such a person for helping them feel this way.
The good new is if you lack confidence you can develop it.
Have Empathy, Put Yourself in other People’s Shoes!
Empathy is not feeling sorrow for a person; it is the ability to understand another person’s feelings and point of view.
This is a critical social skill because all people have a strong desire to be understood by others. Empathy permits you to understand them genuinely, as well as to convey this.
Empathy is something you can develop mostly by understanding that, people’s perception right or wrong is their reality. Interacting with others, going beyond superficial conversations and actively seeking to understand them. This is the best to gain empathy: real contact with real people and their inner and outer worlds.
Have Integrity, and Your Reputation Will be Sorted!
Integrity is who you are; reputation is what people think you are. You can hide behind a fake reputation, but eventually, your real character will be revealed. People with integrity are very likeable, it means, you say what you think and you do what you say. Your thoughts, words and actions are aligned.
Why is this important? Because it makes other people trust you. Moreover, there is a big overlap between trusting someone and being fond of them. I’m fond of many people by, that does not mean I can trust them with certain matters. Cultivate your integrity and you’ll notice others will be more open with you; they will appreciate you more and like you more.
Have Something Interesting To Say, Don’t Just Stand There!
Lastly, the more interesting thing you have to say, is the more interesting and likeable you tend to become as a person. If you want to become more likeable, you cannot skip this concept.
So do you have interesting things to say? The bottom line is that you need to a have a rich life, with diverse activities, challenges and learning experiences. Then learn how to converse on a wide range of intriguing topics, naturally.
You become an interesting person by developing an exciting lifestyle!