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WELCOME TO LONGEVITY COACHING


MY QUALIFICATIONS AND COACHING INSTRUMENTS

 

 

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CONSULTING, COUNSELLING, AND COACHING? 

 

https://longevitycoaching.co.za/product/book-for-couples/

 

 

BUT I HAVE NO TIME? 

 

 WHO IS LONGEVITY  FOR?

 HOW WILL LONGEVITY HELP YOU AS A   COUPLE?

 

 

 

 

 

FOR MORE INFORMATION OR TO BOOK YOUR SLOT WITH COACH SHAN

 

EMAIL ME AT / SHAN@DRSHANTHUMBRAN.COM 

CALL ME ON / +27 659813292

 


 

 

WHAT TO EXPECT AFTER YOUR CALL OR EMAIL?

 

1. You will receive a basic coaching agreement (contract) which includes:

 

Coach's Confidentiality Clause:  The Coach agrees not to disclose any information pertaining to the Client without the Client’s written consent.

Coach's Responsibilities:  The Coach's agreement to maintain the Code of Ethics and standards of behavior set out by the International Coach Federation.

The client's responsibility:   To communicate honestly, be open to feedback and assistance and create the time and energy to participate fully in the program.

Services: The clients agree to engage in the specific time and method allotted eg. weekly, or face to face, phone or via Skype.

Schedule & Fees:  The duration and cost of the coaching agreement. The sessions are payable upfront.

Cancellation and Lateness Policy:  Client agrees that it is the Client’s responsibility to notify the Coach at least 48 hours in advance of the scheduled call/meeting if the client cannot make the session.

Termination: Either the Client or the Coach may terminate this agreement at any time with 2 weeks written notice.

 

2. Take the Online Assesment

Receive online login codes: Once all payments reflect, the coach will inform you via email with a link and code to take your online assessment. Specific days and times will be locked for the first session begin with the coaching sessions.

Faith-based or Non Faith-based options: Assessments options are also available.

Confirmation: Upon completing the online assessment you will both receive an email report.


Go ahead and take this important step! 

EMAIL ME AT / SHAN@DRSHANTHUMBRAN.COM 

CALL ME ON / +27 659813292

Marriage is a Covenant – the fruit of a loving, faithful relationship where partners take responsibility for their actions. The marriage covenant is based on freedom of choice, rooted in actions, based on choices -not feelings. It is a relationship in which partners remain dedicated to nurturing their relationship through commitments that are freely offered. The marriage covenant requires that the partners remain faithful for the relationship to flourish.

The 10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE outlines the terms of the marriage covenant; this can significantly strengthen your marriage and allow you to experience it’s joys should you choose to live by it.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE:

 

Exclusive Loyalty and Faithfulness Towards Each Other at All Times

• When things such as hobbies, work, ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends steal the loyalty that is exclusively reserved for your spouse, you are severely weakening your covenant.
• Covenant demands exclusive and unconditional loyalty from both parties that enter into the marriage covenant.

 

Truthfulness and Honesty Towards Each Other at All Times

• You cannot be unfaithful towards your spouse. You are unfaithful when you build ‘false images’ of them in your mind.
• Many couples are trying to shape their partners into their own image of what a ‘perfect spouse’ should be. This is idolatry!
• Unrealistic expectations have destroyed many marriages.
• Marriage is not about who you are, marriage is about who you become.

 

Eliminate ‘Words’ or ‘Actions’ that Belittles Each Other in Private or Public

• There is nothing worse than a couple who belittles each other then cuts each other off. Never disrespect each other this way before the children, friends or parents.
• Appreciating your similarities and respecting your differences goes long a long way.
• Respect will cause you to explain your anger, which leads to solutions instead of arguments.

 

Set aside Regular and Special Time for Each Other

• You are required to show your Love to your spouse by setting aside regular time for him/her. Love is spelt T.I.M.E!
• This means you would have to set aside your work or your personal pleasure on a daily basis.
• Togetherness does not mean “us-ness.” You will have to protect your exclusive time together. Away from the kids, work, family and friends. It is important for your friendship and intimacy.

 

Honour Your Parents without Allowing them to Come between the Two of You!

• One of the greatest blessings, when you get married, is to have the “blessing of your parents.”
• We are called to relate to our parents, especially our spouse’s parents, respectfully.
• Even when the In-laws become Out Law… Never be disrespectful!

 

Denounce any Form of Hatred or Hostility that can Hurt Your Spouse

• Avoid physical violence to the body and emotional violence to the soul.
• Verbal abuse can be more damaging to women than physical violence. It is the most prevalent form of marital abuse, which undermines a woman’s sense of worth. It also diminishes her ability to care for her children and participate in the workforce.

 

Be Faithful to Each Other in Body and Soul

• This will protect you from seeking any sexual experiences outside of Marriage.
• Honour your marriage covenant by being sexually faithful to your spouse, both mentally and physically.

 

Vow to live in Community of Property

• This is the essence of a covenant agreement: each person gives 100% to the marriage.
• The marriage covenant is not a co-heir partnership (50/50), but a joint heir partnership (100/100).
• Anything less than this is a contract, not a covenant.
• A contract marriage is very different from a covenant marriage:
In a contract: I take thee for me. In a covenant: I give myself to thee. In a contract: You better do it! In a covenant: How may I serve you?
In a contract: What do I get? In a covenant: What can I give? In a contract: I’ll meet you halfway. In a covenant: I’ll give you 100% plus. In a contract: I have to. In a covenant: I want to.

 

Be Truthful Communicators

• When you speak ill of your spouse, misrepresent their motives, fail to interpret the feelings behind their words or hit remarks that are ‘below the belt,’ you become an untruthful communicator.
• Truthful communication requires you to be: Timely, Patient, Flexible, Intuitive, Accepting and Honest.

 

Be Content with Your Spouse and Celebrate Their Success and Achievements

• Never compare your spouse’s performances or their talents to that of others.
• It is not wrong to desire good qualities in your spouse, but it is a mistake to compare your spouse’s qualities to that of someone else’s!

 


If this article has been a blessing to you, please leave a comment below and let me know. You may also share it with a friend.   

 

Have you lost the sense of “us-ness?” Couples often come into counselling complaining that they have “grown apart, ” and when they are together, “all we do is fight and argue!”

Do you miss the closeness that you once had, the feeling of feeling loved and appreciated?

Rey and I will be married for 16 years this February.  We have been teaching and encouraging couples over the years in our marriage seminars that it is possible to have “Longevity with Joy!” But, the truth is, we have not always treated each other with love and respect.

The “busyness” of life (ministry/work/studies/kids/school/ageing/etc.,) meant less meaningful time and energy for ourselves as a couple. Most couples have very busy lifestyles these days resulting in their marriages taking the blow first!

We made a decision several years ago, one that ultimately turned our “winter” into a “spring marriage” – spending “time together.”  The essential secret for restoring intimacy and happiness. Even though we work together and are in each other’s company daily, we realised, together, does not always mean together. “Time together” meant exclusively “us time,”  whether it was watching movies, or going on a date, or taking a short vacation when we could afford it, us time was something we’d let slip, badly   

You do not always have to be doing anything “special,” to be together, but you have to carve out time for each other and make it count!

This is an important principle to stay engaged in establishing closeness in your relationship and build a meaningful friendship.

Friendship before love has proven to be the cornerstone of our marriage.

Over the years it has helped us protect our intimacy.

I have compiled a list of principles that have significantly helped us protect our intimacy, I sincerely hope it will encourage you.

Four Secrets On How You Can Rekindle Lost Intimacy

  1. Build or Rebuild Your Friendship

If you are planning on getting married, then you are building a friendship.  If you are married and have lost your friendship – you need to Rebuild.
No matter how bad your marriage may be, the fact is, if you have loved, respected and enjoyed each others company once, you can do it again!

Friendship is the bridge that leads to the life of intimacy.

A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity
Proverbs 17:17.

During your partners weakest moments, temperaments, annoyances, sickness, financial difficulties – if you are friends, it means you are not going to leave each other. This is why you vowed “in sickness and health until death do us part.”

Friends love at all times, remain faithful and loyal at all times.
When a husband loves his wife with unconditional love, this triggers a chain reaction in his wife which will cause her to respond to that love with respect. On the other hand, if a husband magnifies the faults of his wife above his Love for her and when a wife criticises her husband above her respect for him, intimacy and love for each other gets lost.

We fall out of love when we focus on criticising each other (and for our weakness and failures) but we fall in love when we focus on our Friendship.

Friendship is Built on Two Fundamental Pillars

1. Trust
2. Truth

Without these two pillars, you cannot build a marriage of intimacy (in-to-me-see).

Trust is Proven Faithfulness

  • If there is no trust, there is no friendship. Trust is earned by being faithful to the covenant and each other.

Truth is Faithfulness towards Your Vows

  • A marriage that has a standard of Truth not modern day culture, has a guaranteed chance of success.
  • God’s standard for marriage is: “until death do us part”, our culture’s standard is “until our first disagreement do us part”.

Once you commit your marriage to God’s standard of truth, it becomes easier for both husband and wife to accept responsibility to build on friendship and protect Intimacy.

2. Believe in Each Other

Love always believes for the best, and through it a couple believes in each other. Friendship means you love, support and believe in each other. Your spouse ought to be your best friend because they believe in you more than anyone else.

How Do You Demonstrate Your Belief in Each Other?

  • Support each other’s interests, desires and needs. This means you have to start watching “chick flicks” together.
  • Compliment each other and speak words of life over each other. Nothing encourages a man more, when his wife compliments him, especially when he has done something good.
  • Affirmation over each other, both privately and publicly. Never speak ill of each other before friends or in-laws. You may forgive each other as a couple, but they may not.

Love always believes for the best and through love a couple believes in each other.

3. Embrace Each Other’s Differences

If we are both the same one of us is unnecessary. God made us different and He has joined the two of us together for a purpose.

You have gender differences. You have personality differences. You have background differences. The problem with differences is that we usually assume we are right. When hubby or wife does things differently, he/she seems wrong. A few years of clashing over how things should be done leads to “I wonder if we are really made for each other after all?”

How to Approach Your Differences

  • Don’t tolerate your differences, celebrate it!
  • Those differences are tools that God can use to mould you into better people.
  • It isn’t a matter of finding the perfect person as much as it is becoming the perfect couple.

Marriages don’t succeed because of who you are but because of what you desire to become. One of the greatest blessings in your marriage is to discover why God brought you together.

4. Value Transparency

You will know the level of friendship you have to the degree of intimacy you celebrate. You are only transparent with close friends. Transparency is fostered in our marriages (or any relationship) when we are not quick to judge each other, when we protect sensitive, shameful or damaging information.

Couples hide shameful and hurtful things from each other because of fear. But perfect love casts out all fear. You foster transparency by falling in Love daily.

Love Creates Transparency

  • Love extinguishes fear.
  • Love covers sin.
  • Love bears no record of a suffered wrong.
  • Love extends grace.
  • Love is patient and kind.

Your spouse can only love all of you if you let them love you without secrets.

 


Question: Are you building your marriage on a friendship? Do you believe in each other? Are you willing to celebrate each other’s differences and be transparent?

If you answered no to any of these questions, what are you going to change from now?

, THE TOP 10 GIFTS JUST FOR HER

It’s time for giving, may I suggest we focus on giving the kind of gifts that will build your relationship? 

 

Here is a list of the TOP 10 GIFTS just the kind every wife wants from her husband, that she can’t really ask for: 

 

 

1.

Befriend Her

 

Be her friend…

Go on a date together. Do fun things together. Plan trips even if they will be short. These are the best moments to share your struggles and dreams. Most wives are very lonely and feel emotionally disconnected -so be that best friend to her.

After all, marriage is nothing without friendship!

 

2.

Appreciate Her

 

Recognise what she does… 

Pixie dust is not the reason the house is clean, the pantry is stocked and the kids are washed and tucked into bed.   Express gratitude for the little tasks she takes care of that you may usually take for granted.

Here is one great tip on how to show your appreciation; FLOWERS!  And make sure it’s her favorite. They say, wherever flowers bloom so does hope. So let the fragrance of hope fill your home! 

 

 

3.

Compliment Her

 

Let me let you in on a little secret…

 

Don’t just tell her she is beautiful, tell her why she is beautiful.  Say out loud with to yourself, “you are beautiful,”   Say it one more time, “you are beautiful.”  Great! Now try practicing it on your wife. 

Complement the dress that she is wearing, and whatever you do DON’T forget to mention her SHOES, how great her NEW hair color suits her complexion (even if it is not true!) 

Tell her she is a great mum. Through at her a woman’s all-time favorite compliment – “you look like you lost weight baby”, even if it is not factual, but hearing this from you, will make her day!

Tell her how smart she is, how talented and great at her work she is. Remember, a woman communicates with feelings, so she doesn’t hear words, she feels them. 

Remember that it’s incredibly important that you are incredibly sincere. A woman will always accept a compliment, but nothing builds her self-esteem when she hears it all the time from you. Your wife needs to be consistently affirmed, and the man for the job is you!

 

 

 

4.

Understand Her

 

The truth is, a woman will never be understood!

For instance, her fascination with shoes, saying the opposite of what she means. …sincere tact is required to console her when she’s had a rough day.

‘Listen’ to her soul -with your heart not with your logic. Say things like: “you are right”, “I’m sorry”, “It sounds like you had a rough day”, “I can’t believe your boss spoke to you that way.” The gift of understanding (connecting with her feelings), not her logic is healing in her soul!

 

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5.

Consider Her

 

If she is anything like my wife…

Most women don’t remember that the vehicle she drives needs, fuel, oil to operate. So be available to help, fill up her car, get it washed. Hold the baby, help carry the groceries from the car, do homework with the kids. 

Ask your wife if she needs anything, give her a break.  Apologise when you hurt her feelings. Be kind and considerate. You are going to mess things up, that’s what guys do, but make pretty sure, each time it happens that you -aptly apologize!

 

 

6.

Desire Her

 

Tell her that you love her…

Toys may preserve the boy in a man, but affection preserves the little girl in a woman.

Affectionately express how happy you are to be married to her. Surprise her in the mall by holding her around the waist -yes you read me correctly -soldier! Stroke her hair as you sit together waiting for dinner at the restaurant; tell her that you need her and that she makes you feel great!

Honestly, as a man,  I have to pinch myself often as a reminder to practice what I preach.

 

 

7.

Respect Her

She deserves it…

 

A husband can get so comfortable with his wife that he forgets to show her basic respect.

You show respect when you call her or message her when you’re running late.  Even if it’s just five or ten minutes later than the time that she was expecting you. Hold open doors for her. Greet her. Smile at her. Look at her when you are speaking. Value her opinion.

These are great gestures that I’m still working and grateful how they have already enhanced our marriage significantly.

 

 

8.

Accept Her

 

Accept her weaknesses…

Understand that she is not you. She will never be you, so she will say or do things that you don’t agree with.

This has been one of the greatest struggles earlier in our marriage. Remember your wife will often see things differently from you, thinks differently from you and handles things differently from you.

Learn to praise her for these strengths!

 

9.

Trust Her

 

Be real with her.

Share with her significant experiences in your life. Tell her about what’s happening at work or the incident last night with the boys.

Express when you are worried, angry, sad or happy. Don’t be proud and hard-hearted; nothing will destroy a great date night or special occasion more.

Don’t try to hide or deny your feelings before her.

God gave a man a wife, to be his hospital and doctor.  Trust her with your life, Is she is anything like my wife, she will never harm you!

 

10.

Laugh with Her

 

Maintain your sense of humor especially in times of stress…

 

Eliminate mockery and sarcasm. Laugh with each other but never at each other. Watch TV shows like ‘Friends or “The Pink Panther.”

 

 


 

So there you have it, the 10 Top Gifts To Give Your Wife This Christmas.

Our hope is that these gifts will create a rich and precious deposit into your relationship.

 

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Question: What will you be doing differently to deepen your relationship today? Leave your comment below, and share this post.